Difference between revisions of "Transcript:Fear of a Bot Planet"
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:''[A small planet splats onto the windscreen like a fly onto a car. Leela presses a button and the windscreen wiper cleans it off.]'' | :''[A small planet splats onto the windscreen like a fly onto a car. Leela presses a button and the windscreen wiper cleans it off.]'' | ||
:''[Opening Credits. Caption: Featuring Gratuitous Alien Nudity.]'' | :''[Opening Credits. Caption: Featuring Gratuitous Alien Nudity.]'' | ||
:''['''Scene''': Madison Cube Garden: Stand. The crew are sat watching what could be a baseball game...]'' | :''['''Scene''': [[Madison Cube Garden]]: Stand. The crew are sat watching what could be a baseball game...]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|00|49}}'''[[Bender Bending Rodriguez|Bender]]''': Hey nice seats! We're close enough so when you knock a player down with a beer bottle, he stays down!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|00|49}}'''[[Bender Bending Rodriguez|Bender]]''': Hey nice seats! We're close enough so when you knock a player down with a beer bottle, he stays down!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|00|54}}'''Fry''': I don't get it. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball?</poem> | <poem>{{tt|00|54}}'''Fry''': I don't get it. Is [[blernsball]] exactly the same as baseball?</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|00|58}}'''[[Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth|Farnsworth]]''': Baseball?? God forbid!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|00|58}}'''[[Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth|Farnsworth]]''': Baseball?? God forbid!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|01|00}}'''Leela''': Face it Fry. Baseball was as boring as mum and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|01|00}}'''Leela''': Face it Fry. Baseball was as boring as mum and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up.</poem> | ||
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<poem>{{tt|02|27}}'''Leela''': Except for the word "blern" that was complete gibberish. ''[The blernsball falls into a hole and indescribable mayhem ensues! Fry scratches his head in confusion. Leela writes on her score card. All right! Yes!!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|02|27}}'''Leela''': Except for the word "blern" that was complete gibberish. ''[The blernsball falls into a hole and indescribable mayhem ensues! Fry scratches his head in confusion. Leela writes on her score card. All right! Yes!!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|02|50}}'''Fry''': What just happened?</poem> | <poem>{{tt|02|50}}'''Fry''': What just happened?</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|02|53}}'''Leela''': Miller's on a pace to hit 70 blerns!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|02|53}}'''Leela''': [[Miller]]'s on a pace to hit 70 blerns!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|02|58}}'''Farnsworth''': He's good all right. But he's no Clem Johnson. And Johnson played back in the days when steroid injections were mandatory.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|02|58}}'''Farnsworth''': He's good all right. But he's no [[Clem Johnson]]. And Johnson played back in the days when steroid injections were mandatory.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|03|05}}'''Bender''': Clem Johnson? That skin bag wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old Robot Leagues! Now Wireless Joe Jackson, there was a blern hitting machine!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|03|05}}'''Bender''': Clem Johnson? That skin bag wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old Robot Leagues! Now [[Wireless Joe Jackson]], there was a blern hitting machine!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|03|15}}'''Leela''': Exactly! He was a machine designed to hit blerns! I mean come on! Wireless Joe was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|03|15}}'''Leela''': Exactly! He was a machine designed to hit blerns! I mean come on! Wireless Joe was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|03|22}}'''Bender''': Oh and I suppose | <poem>{{tt|03|22}}'''Bender''': Oh and I suppose Pitch-o-mat 5000 was just a modified {{w|howitzer}}.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|03|27}}'''Leela''': Yep.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|03|27}}'''Leela''': Yep.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|03|28}}'''Bender''': You humans are so scared of a little robot competition you won't even let us on the field.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|03|28}}'''Bender''': You humans are so scared of a little robot competition you won't even let us on the field.</poem> | ||
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<poem>{{tt|04|01}}'''[[Hermes Conrad|Hermes]]''': [on pager] : This is Hermes. A package just came in. Everyone is to return to the office immediately. ''[The crew grumble. A pigeon lands next to Hermes' image.]'' Get away you filthy bird! Shoo! Professor turn me off quick!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|04|01}}'''[[Hermes Conrad|Hermes]]''': [on pager] : This is Hermes. A package just came in. Everyone is to return to the office immediately. ''[The crew grumble. A pigeon lands next to Hermes' image.]'' Get away you filthy bird! Shoo! Professor turn me off quick!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|04|14}}'''Farnsworth''': I'm sorry what?</poem> | <poem>{{tt|04|14}}'''Farnsworth''': I'm sorry what?</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|04|16}}'''Hermes''': [on pager] : Argh! ''[The bird takes off with | <poem>{{tt|04|16}}'''Hermes''': [on pager] : Argh! ''[The bird takes off with the hologram. Hermes screams.]'' See you at the office!</poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express: Meeting Room. The crew are around the big table.]'' | :''['''Scene''': Planet Express: Meeting Room. The crew are around the big table.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|04|21}}'''Bender''': Admit it. You all think robots are machines built by humans to make their lives easier.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|04|21}}'''Bender''': Admit it. You all think robots are machines built by humans to make their lives easier.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|04|26}}'''Fry''': Well, aren't they?</poem> | <poem>{{tt|04|26}}'''Fry''': Well, aren't they?</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|04|27}}'''Bender''': I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|04|27}}'''Bender''': I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it!</poem> | ||
:''[Enter Farnsworth.]'' | :''[Enter Farnsworth and Hermes. Hermes is bandaged up.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|04|30}}'''Farnsworth''': Great news everyone. You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9. A world where humans are killed on sight!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|04|30}}'''Farnsworth''': Great news everyone. You'll be delivering a package to [[Chapek 9]]. A world where humans are killed on sight!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|04|37}}'''Fry''': Why is that great news?</poem> | <poem>{{tt|04|37}}'''Fry''': Why is that great news?</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|04|39}}'''Farnsworth''': I'm glad you asked that question Fry. You see Chapek 9 was colonised centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|04|39}}'''Farnsworth''': I'm glad you asked that question Fry. You see Chapek 9 was colonised centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists.</poem> | ||
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<poem>{{tt|05|09}}'''Bender''': Well I'm not doing it! It's a robot holiday.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|05|09}}'''Bender''': Well I'm not doing it! It's a robot holiday.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|05|13}}'''Fry''': Really? Which one?</poem> | <poem>{{tt|05|13}}'''Fry''': Really? Which one?</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|05|14}}'''Bender''': Only Robanukah. The holiest two weeks on the robot calendar.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|05|14}}'''Bender''': Only [[Robanukah]]. The holiest two weeks on the robot calendar.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|05|18}}'''Leela''': Oh come on Bender. Last month it was | <poem>{{tt|05|18}}'''Leela''': Oh come on Bender. Last month it was [[Robomadan]] and before that [[Robonzaa]].</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|05|24}}'''Fry''': Man that one was a blast!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|05|24}}'''Fry''': Man that one was a blast!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|05|25}}'''Bender''': It wasn't just a blast it was a sacred tribute to my ancestral prototypes which happened to take the form of a drinking contest.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|05|25}}'''Bender''': It wasn't just a blast it was a sacred tribute to my ancestral prototypes which happened to take the form of a drinking contest.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|05|33}}'''Hermes''': Now look here Bender. I respect your diversity to the extent the law requires but you used up all your days off when you had that bout of Roberculosis.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|05|33}}'''Hermes''': Now look here Bender. I respect your diversity to the extent the law requires but you used up all your days off when you had that bout of [[Roberculosis]].</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|05|42}}'''Bender''': All right, I'll go. But so help me, I'll hold a grudge against every last one of you for the rest of your lives.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|05|42}}'''Bender''': All right, I'll go. But so help me, I'll hold a grudge against every last one of you for the rest of your lives.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|05|50}}'''Farnsworth''': Well then it's settled. So long everyone!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|05|50}}'''Farnsworth''': Well then it's settled. So long everyone!</poem> | ||
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:''['''Scene''': Ship's Cargo Bay.]'' | :''['''Scene''': Ship's Cargo Bay.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|06|08}}'''Leela''': OK Bender, we're here. It's time to get to work.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|06|08}}'''Leela''': OK Bender, we're here. It's time to get to work.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|06|11}}'''Bender''': Yes Miss Leela, tote that space barge, lift that space bale.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|06|11}}'''Bender''': Yes Miss Leela, {{w|Ol' Man River|tote that space barge, lift that space bale}}.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|06|15}}'''Leela''': Now we can't land on the surface because those robots will kill Fry and me, so we'll have to stay up here and lower you with the winch. And remember: You don't know humans, you don't work for humans, and above all, you don't like humans!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|06|15}}'''Leela''': Now we can't land on the surface because those robots will kill Fry and me, so we'll have to stay up here and lower you with the winch. And remember: You don't know humans, you don't work for humans, and above all, you don't like humans!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|06|28}}'''Bender''': I'll try to keep that in mind!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|06|28}}'''Bender''': I'll try to keep that in mind!</poem> | ||
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:''['''Scene''': Ship's Cockpit. Leela and Fry have decorated it with banners, paper people and beers.]'' | :''['''Scene''': Ship's Cockpit. Leela and Fry have decorated it with banners, paper people and beers.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|06|43}}'''Leela''': There. That ought to show that stupid robot we care about him.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|06|43}}'''Leela''': There. That ought to show that stupid robot we care about him.</poem> | ||
:''[The phone | :''[The phone beeps.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|06|48}}'''Fry''': Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|06|48}}'''Fry''': Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery.</poem> | ||
:''[Leela answers the call. Bender's face appears on the screen.]'' | :''[Leela answers the call. Bender's face appears on the screen.]'' | ||
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<poem>{{tt|07|12}}'''Leela''': OK. If we're going to save Bender, we've got to look and act exactly like robots.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|07|12}}'''Leela''': OK. If we're going to save Bender, we've got to look and act exactly like robots.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|07|16}}'''Fry''': [robot voice] : I am fully operational Captain.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|07|16}}'''Fry''': [robot voice] : I am fully operational Captain.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|07|18}}'''Leela''': We have to walk like robots, talk like robots and if | <poem>{{tt|07|18}}'''Leela''': We have to walk like robots, talk like robots and if necessary solve complex differential equations like robots.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|07|24}}'''Fry''': I can sort of dance like a robot. Will that help?</poem> | <poem>{{tt|07|24}}'''Fry''': I can sort of dance like a robot. Will that help?</poem> | ||
:''[He sort of dances like a robot.]'' | :''[He sort of dances like a robot.]'' | ||
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:''['''Cut to''': Chapek 9 surface. Fry and Leela lower themselves to the surface on the winch and come face to face with a huge robot complex.]'' | :''['''Cut to''': Chapek 9 surface. Fry and Leela lower themselves to the surface on the winch and come face to face with a huge robot complex.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|07|49}}'''Fry''': Man, we look stupid. We should've gotten store bought costumes.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|07|49}}'''Fry''': Man, we look stupid. We should've gotten store bought costumes.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|07|53}}'''Leela''': Yeah, but there wasn't a Woolworth's in this quadrant.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|07|53}}'''Leela''': Yeah, but there wasn't a {{w|Woolworth's}} in this quadrant.</poem> | ||
:''[They reach the gates of the complex but are stopped by two huge robot guards.]'' | :''[They reach the gates of the complex but are stopped by two huge robot guards.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|07|56}}'''Robot | <poem>{{tt|07|56}}'''[[Robot guard]] #1''': Halt!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|07|57}}'''Robot | <poem>{{tt|07|57}}'''Robot guard #2''': Be you robot or human?</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|07|59}}'''Leela''': Robot...we be.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|07|59}}'''Leela''': Robot...we be.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|08|01}}'''Fry''': Uh yup! Just two robots out roboting it up! ''[He sort of dances like a robot.]'' Eh?</poem> | <poem>{{tt|08|01}}'''Fry''': Uh yup! Just two robots out roboting it up! ''[He sort of dances like a robot.]'' Eh?</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|08|08}}'''Robot | <poem>{{tt|08|08}}'''Robot guard #1''': Administer the test.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|08|13}}'''Robot | <poem>{{tt|08|13}}'''Robot guard #2''': Which of the following would you most prefer? A: A puppy? B: A pretty flower from your sweetie or C: A large properly formatted data file?</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|08|23}}'''Robot | <poem>{{tt|08|23}}'''Robot guard #1''': Choose!</poem> | ||
:''[Fry and Leela whisper to each other about the answer.]'' | :''[Fry and Leela whisper to each other about the answer.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|08|27}}'''Fry''': Is the puppy mechanical in any way?</poem> | <poem>{{tt|08|27}}'''Fry''': Is the puppy mechanical in any way?</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|08|29}}'''Robot | <poem>{{tt|08|29}}'''Robot guard #2''': No. It is the bad kind of puppy.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|08|32}}'''Leela''': Then we'll go with that data file.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|08|32}}'''Leela''': Then we'll go with that data file.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|08|34}}'''Robot | <poem>{{tt|08|34}}'''Robot guard #2''': Correct.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|08|35}}'''Robot | <poem>{{tt|08|35}}'''Robot guard #1''': The flower would also have been acceptable.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|08|37}}'''Robot | <poem>{{tt|08|37}}'''Robot guard #2''': You may pass.</poem> | ||
:''[The | :''[The robot guards fold up and move to the side. Fry and Leela enter the complex.]'' | ||
:''['''Cut to''': Robot Complex. Fry and Leela walk down an empty corridor.]'' | :''['''Cut to''': Robot Complex. Fry and Leela walk down an empty corridor.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|08|45}}'''Leela''': Now if you see any robots, just stay out of their way. ''[An alarm sounds. Hundreds of robots come out of doors from all sides towards Fry and Leela. Another alarm. The robots clear the area.]'' So far, so good.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|08|45}}'''Leela''': Now if you see any robots, just stay out of their way. ''[An alarm sounds. Hundreds of robots come out of doors from all sides towards Fry and Leela. Another alarm. The robots clear the area.]'' So far, so good.</poem> | ||
:''[Time Lapse. A robot construction worker is giving directions to a | :''[Time Lapse. A robot construction worker is giving directions to a crane which is building a Tetris wall.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|09|05}}''' | <poem>{{tt|09|05}}'''[[Robot builder]]''': Little to the right, there you go.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|09|07}}'''Leela''': Have you seen this robot?</poem> | <poem>{{tt|09|07}}'''Leela''': Have you seen this robot?</poem> | ||
:''[She shows him a picture of Bender as a magician.]'' | :''[She shows him a picture of Bender as a magician.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|09|11}}''' | <poem>{{tt|09|11}}'''Robot builder''': Sorry, can't help you. ''[To the crane.]'' Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there! ''[The crane drops a brick into the wall and it disappears.]'' Aw!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|09|19}}'''Leela''': Come on Fry, walk like a robot.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|09|19}}'''Leela''': Come on Fry, walk like a robot.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|09|22}}'''Fry''': I can't. I have to go to the bathroom.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|09|22}}'''Fry''': I can't. I have to go to the bathroom.</poem> | ||
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:''[Fry does. A robot approaches Fry.]'' | :''[Fry does. A robot approaches Fry.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|09|38}}'''Leela''': Hurry up Fry.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|09|38}}'''Leela''': Hurry up Fry.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|09|41}}''' | <poem>{{tt|09|41}}'''[[Resin-offering robot]]''': Sir? Are you aware that you're leaking coolant at an alarming rate?</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|09|44}}'''Fry''': Uh...</poem> | <poem>{{tt|09|44}}'''Fry''': Uh...</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|09|46}}''' | <poem>{{tt|09|46}}'''Resin-offering robot''': Well let me just patch you up with some hot resin.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|09|48}}'''Fry''': I think the leak's stopping itself. ''[It doesn't.]'' Wait. ''[Still going.]'' Wait. Yeah, there we go. ''[Starts again.]'' Wait. Yeah!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|09|48}}'''Fry''': I think the leak's stopping itself. ''[It doesn't.]'' Wait. ''[Still going.]'' Wait. Yeah, there we go. ''[Starts again.]'' Wait. Yeah!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|09|57}}''' | <poem>{{tt|09|57}}'''Resin-offering robot''': What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin?</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|10|01}}'''Leela''': I'm sorry. My friend and I have to go and perform some mindless repetitive tasks.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|10|01}}'''Leela''': I'm sorry. My friend and I have to go and perform some mindless repetitive tasks.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|10|07}}''' | <poem>{{tt|10|07}}'''Resin-offering robot''': Sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.</poem> | ||
:''[The robot zooms away and churns up dust. Leela sneezes. The robot turns around and | :''[The robot zooms away and churns up dust. Leela sneezes. The robot turns around and gives a mechanical shriek. Leela kicks it over and she and Fry run off. An [[Anti-Human Patrol]] van comes and picks up the robot.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|10|24}}'''Patrol Officer #1''': Get the humanoids.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|10|24}}'''Patrol Officer #1''': Get the humanoids.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|10|25}}'''Patrol Officer #2''': Get the intruder.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|10|25}}'''Patrol Officer #2''': Get the intruder.</poem> | ||
:''[They drop the robot on the ground.]'' | |||
<poem>{{tt|10|26}}'''Announcer''': [on loudspeaker] : Intruder alert! Intruder alert!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|10|26}}'''Announcer''': [on loudspeaker] : Intruder alert! Intruder alert!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|10|32}}'''Leela''': Quick! Let's duck in here!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|10|32}}'''Leela''': Quick! Let's duck in here!</poem> | ||
:''[They run into a cinema | :''[They run into a cinema]'' | ||
:''['''Scene''': Auditorium. The movie showing is similar to the popular horror movies of the | :''['''Scene''': Auditorium. The movie showing is similar to the popular horror movies of the [[1950s]] complete with an all-American college boy and his beautiful yet naïve girlfriend, with robots instead of humans.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|10|42}}'''Announcer''': [on radio in movie] : We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of Make Out Point.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|10|42}}'''Announcer''': [on radio in movie] : We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of Make Out Point.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|10|50}}'''Rusty''': [in movie] : Say Wendy. Your chassis is a little scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you?</poem> | <poem>{{tt|10|50}}'''[[Rusty]]''': [in movie] : Say Wendy. Your chassis is a little scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you?</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|10|58}}'''Wendy''': [in movie] : Did you | <poem>{{tt|10|58}}'''[[Wendy]]''': [in movie] : Did you hear that Rusty? It sounded like a human.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|11|01}}'''Rusty''': [in movie] : Relax Wendy. Humans will never come to our defenceless little town. | <poem>{{tt|11|01}}'''Rusty''': [in movie] : Relax Wendy. Humans will never come to our defenceless little town. It's perfectly safe to let our guard down - even for a second.</poem> | ||
:''[A human - actually a robot actor wearing a human costume - appears out of some bushes.]'' | :''[A human - actually a robot actor wearing a human costume - appears out of some bushes.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|11|13}}'''Human''': [in movie] Graaah! ''[It tears Rusty's head off and eats it. Wendy screams.]'' I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs! Behold!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|11|13}}'''[[Robot Human]]''': [in movie] Graaah! ''[It tears Rusty's head off and eats it. Wendy screams.]'' I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs! Behold!</poem> | ||
:''[It opens itself up revealing human organs.]'' | :''[It opens itself up revealing human organs.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|11|24}}'''Audience''': Ooooo!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|11|24}}'''Audience''': Ooooo!</poem> | ||
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:''[She moves the 3D glasses back and forth over her eye.]'' | :''[She moves the 3D glasses back and forth over her eye.]'' | ||
:''[In the movie the human stumbles around, breathes fire and finally collapses. It has an arrow in its back. Wendy and a Robot General approach it.]'' | :''[In the movie the human stumbles around, breathes fire and finally collapses. It has an arrow in its back. Wendy and a Robot General approach it.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|11|35}}'''Robot General''': [in movie] : Funny isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields, yet in the end he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|11|35}}'''Robot General''': [in movie] : Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields, yet in the end he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick!</poem> | ||
:''[He chuckles.]'' | :''[He chuckles.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|11|49}}'''Wendy''': [in movie] : I'm just glad the nightmare is over.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|11|49}}'''Wendy''': [in movie] : I'm just glad the nightmare is over.</poem> | ||
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<poem>{{tt|12|23}}'''Leela''': Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|12|23}}'''Leela''': Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look.</poem> | ||
:''[She is talking to a robot that looks like Fry disguised as a robot!]'' | :''[She is talking to a robot that looks like Fry disguised as a robot!]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|12|26}}'''Robot | <poem>{{tt|12|26}}'''[[Crummy Robot]]''': Awww that was uncalled for!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|12|28}}'''Fry''': I'm over here!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|12|28}}'''Fry''': I'm over here!</poem> | ||
:''[The robots congregate around a platform.]'' | :''[The robots congregate around a platform.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|12|33}}'''Robot #4''': I heard a human was draining coolant behind garbage can 738.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|12|33}}'''Robot #4''': I heard a human was draining coolant behind garbage can 738.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|12|36}}'''Robot #5''': I heard they unscrew our lugnuts at night and eat them at their human brunches.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|12|36}}'''Robot #5''': I heard they unscrew our lugnuts at night and eat them at their human brunches.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|12|41}}'''Robot Mayor''': Welcome to a very special human hunt. We have with us today a guest who's irrational hatred of humans makes me look like a human sympathiser! ''[The crowd laughs.]'' A newly arrived refugee from Earth, lets hear it for - Bender!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|12|41}}'''[[Robot Mayor]]''': Welcome to a very special human hunt. We have with us today a guest who's irrational hatred of humans makes me look like a human sympathiser! ''[The crowd laughs.]'' A newly arrived refugee from Earth, lets hear it for - Bender!</poem> | ||
:''[Bender emerges from the shadows and stands at the microphone.]'' | :''[Bender emerges from the shadows and stands at the microphone.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|12|59}}'''Fry''': It's him. He's OK!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|12|59}}'''Fry''': It's him. He's OK!</poem> | ||
Line 207: | Line 208: | ||
:''[The crowd cheers.]'' | :''[The crowd cheers.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|13|28}}'''Fry''': My God! He's become evil. ''[Leela stares at him.]'' I mean evil''er''!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|13|28}}'''Fry''': My God! He's become evil. ''[Leela stares at him.]'' I mean evil''er''!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|13|32}}'''Bender''': Thank you, thank you. And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to | <poem>{{tt|13|32}}'''Bender''': Thank you, thank you. And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my [[Bender Lets Loose|spoken word album]], just 18.95! Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine.</poem> | ||
:''[He pulls the string]'' | :''[He pulls the string]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|13|44}}'''Bender Figurine''': Bite my shiny metal ass!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|13|44}}'''Bender Figurine''': Bite my shiny metal ass!</poem> | ||
Line 249: | Line 250: | ||
:''['''Scene''': Robot Hall of Justice. Fry and Leela are in a cage. The judge is a Mac.]'' | :''['''Scene''': Robot Hall of Justice. Fry and Leela are in a cage. The judge is a Mac.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|15|56}}'''Robot Mayor''': Your Honour, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5% of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans. Come to think of it, I rest my case!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|15|56}}'''Robot Mayor''': Your Honour, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5% of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans. Come to think of it, I rest my case!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|16|07}}'''[[Computer Judge|Judge]]''': Thank you | <poem>{{tt|16|07}}'''[[Computer Judge|Judge]]''': Thank you, Prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence.</poem> | ||
:''[He begins to consider. A blue bar moves across his screen.]'' | :''[He begins to consider. A blue bar moves across his screen.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|16|13}}'''Fry''': Hey wait a minute! Isn't anyone | <poem>{{tt|16|13}}'''Fry''': Hey, wait a minute! Isn't anyone gonna defend us?</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|16|15}}'''Leela''': Yeah! I mean he might not have a case but I'm genuinely not human.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|16|15}}'''Leela''': Yeah! I mean, he might not have a case, but I'm genuinely not human.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|16|20}}'''Robot Mayor''': Quiet human!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|16|20}}'''Robot Mayor''': Quiet, human!</poem> | ||
:''[The Judge stops considering. A prompt box shows up on his screen: Sorry A System Error Occured [Restart] The court gasps in shock.]'' | :''[The Judge stops considering. A prompt box shows up on his screen: Sorry A System Error Occured [Restart] The court gasps in shock.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|16|25}}'''Robot | <poem>{{tt|16|25}}'''[[Robot clerk]]''': Uh oh! He froze up again!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|16|26}}'''Robot Mayor''': Try control alt delete.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|16|26}}'''Robot Mayor''': Try control alt delete.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|16|28}}'''Robot #1''': Jiggle the cord.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|16|28}}'''Robot #1''': Jiggle the cord.</poem> | ||
Line 261: | Line 262: | ||
<poem>{{tt|16|30}}'''Robot #3''': Clean the gunk out of the mouse.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|16|30}}'''Robot #3''': Clean the gunk out of the mouse.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|16|31}}'''Fry''': Call technical support.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|16|31}}'''Fry''': Call technical support.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|16|33}}'''Robot | <poem>{{tt|16|33}}'''Robot clerk''': OK, OK. He's back online.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|16|36}}'''Judge''': I find the defendants - guilty!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|16|36}}'''Judge''': I find the defendants - guilty!</poem> | ||
:''[The court cheers.]'' | :''[The court cheers.]'' | ||
Line 284: | Line 285: | ||
<poem>{{tt|17|31}}'''Blue Elder''': Silence! It is time to put the humans to death!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|17|31}}'''Blue Elder''': Silence! It is time to put the humans to death!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|17|35}}'''Fry''': But the judge already sentenced us at the trial!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|17|35}}'''Fry''': But the judge already sentenced us at the trial!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|17|38}}''' | <poem>{{tt|17|38}}'''Orange Elder''': Silence! That was just a show for the public. We are the true rulers of this planet, hand carved from meteorites by the Robot Founders, over four centuries ago.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|17|47}}'''Blue Elder''': Silence! Come forward Bender. You will have the honour of executing the prisoners.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|17|47}}'''Blue Elder''': Silence! Come forward Bender. You will have the honour of executing the prisoners.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|17|52}}'''[[Robot Elders|Green Elder]]''': Silence! I concur!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|17|52}}'''[[Robot Elders|Green Elder]]''': Silence! I concur!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|17|54}}''' | <poem>{{tt|17|54}}'''Orange Elder''': Here. Use the [[ceremonial killamajig]].</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|18|01}}'''Bender''': Uh, I'm a little tired right now. Would it be alright if I just gave them a savage beating?</poem> | <poem>{{tt|18|01}}'''Bender''': Uh, I'm a little tired right now. Would it be alright if I just gave them a savage beating?</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|18|07}}'''Blue Elder''': No! The Elders have spoken. Show us the killing skills than have made you a media darling.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|18|07}}'''Blue Elder''': No! The Elders have spoken. Show us the killing skills than have made you a media darling.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|18|13}}'''Green Elder''': Do it now! Kill them before they bring down our whole society!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|18|13}}'''Green Elder''': Do it now! Kill them before they bring down our whole society!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|18|16}}'''[[Robot Elders|Elders]]''': Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|18|16}}'''[[Robot Elders|Elders]]''': Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|18|25}}'''Bender''': Aww! ''[He throws the | <poem>{{tt|18|25}}'''Bender''': Aww! ''[He throws the killamajig away. The Elders gasp.]'' I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. they're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|18|43}}'''Fry''': Damn right!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|18|43}}'''Fry''': Damn right!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|18|44}}'''Bender''': The fact is, humans are completely harmless.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|18|44}}'''Bender''': The fact is, humans are completely harmless.</poem> | ||
Line 299: | Line 300: | ||
<poem>{{tt|18|51}}'''Blue Elder''': Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problem.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|18|51}}'''Blue Elder''': Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problem.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|18|56}}'''Green Elder''': Like our crippling lugnut shortage.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|18|56}}'''Green Elder''': Like our crippling lugnut shortage.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|18|58}}''' | <poem>{{tt|18|58}}'''Orange Elder''': And a corrupt government of incompetent Robot Elders.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|19|01}}'''[[Robot Elders|Lime Elder]]''': Duh, that's for sure.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|19|01}}'''[[Robot Elders|Lime Elder]]''': Duh, that's for sure.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|19|03}}'''Blue Elder''': Quiet Jimmy.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|19|03}}'''Blue Elder''': Quiet Jimmy.</poem> | ||
Line 308: | Line 309: | ||
<poem>{{tt|19|19}}'''Fry''': Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|19|19}}'''Fry''': Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|19|24}}'''Leela''': He'll do it. He's crazy!</poem> | <poem>{{tt|19|24}}'''Leela''': He'll do it. He's crazy!</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|19|27}}''' | <poem>{{tt|19|27}}'''Orange Elder''': Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up?</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|19|29}}'''Blue Elder''': Gee, I can't remember anymore! It might just be from that stupid movie.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|19|29}}'''Blue Elder''': Gee, I can't remember anymore! It might just be from that stupid movie.</poem> | ||
<poem>{{tt|19|33}}''' | <poem>{{tt|19|33}}'''Green Elder''': Was that the original or the re-make?</poem> | ||
:''[The crew sneak away.]'' | :''[The crew sneak away.]'' | ||
<poem>{{tt|19|35}}'''Blue Elder''': I don't - hey! They're getting away.</poem> | <poem>{{tt|19|35}}'''Blue Elder''': I don't - hey! They're getting away.</poem> |
Latest revision as of 17:53, 15 May 2023
← Previous | Navigation in production order | Next → |
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Transcript for | |
Fear of a Bot Planet | |
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Written by | Evan Gore Heather Lombard |
Transcribed by | The Neutral Planet |
- [Scene: Ship's Cockpit. Fry and Leela are standing in front of the couch looking out of the windscreen into open space.]
Leela: What do you think of the view Fry?
Fry: It really puts things in perspective. I mean, from up here an entire world can seem utterly insignificant.
- [A small planet splats onto the windscreen like a fly onto a car. Leela presses a button and the windscreen wiper cleans it off.]
- [Opening Credits. Caption: Featuring Gratuitous Alien Nudity.]
- [Scene: Madison Cube Garden: Stand. The crew are sat watching what could be a baseball game...]
Bender: Hey nice seats! We're close enough so when you knock a player down with a beer bottle, he stays down!
blernsball exactly the same as baseball?
Fry: I don't get it. IsFarnsworth: Baseball?? God forbid!
Leela: Face it Fry. Baseball was as boring as mum and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up.
Fry: Boring? Baseball wasn't - hmm, so they finally jazzed it up?
- [A player hits the ball. Fry jumps up cheering.]
Fry: Home run!! Woooo! Right?
- [The ball springs back, a player catches it, flies through the air and hits a base.]
Umpire: Out!
Fry: What just happened? Why is the ball on that springy thing?
Leela: It's traditional. Just like aluminium bats and the seventh inning grope.
- [Another hit. A player jumps to catch the ball but misses it and is caught by Bender.]
Bender: I got me a souvenir! [A kid looks sadly up at Bender] Aww here you go kid!
- [He hands the kid the player.]
- [Scene: Madison Cube Garden: Corridor. Zoidberg comes out of the Gents and walks to a food stand.]
Zoidberg: I'd like a jumbo squidlog please.
Man: We don't sell those.
Zoidberg: Alright, alright. Let me have one of your young on a roll.
Man: We're out of rolls.
Zoidberg: Fine! Just give me something crawling with parasites.
- [Cut to: Madison Cube Garden: Stand. Zoidberg is back with the group eating a hot dog]
Fry: Mmmm, at least hot dogs haven't changed.
Bender: Hey buddies who wants popcorn?
All: I'll have some, me, yeah!
- [Bender pops then takes a large tub of popcorn out of his chest cavity.]
Bender: Anyone want butter on that?
- [He pumps his antenna.]
Fry: Hey I'm starting to get the hang of this game! The blerns are loaded, the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect, right?
Leela: Except for the word "blern" that was complete gibberish. [The blernsball falls into a hole and indescribable mayhem ensues! Fry scratches his head in confusion. Leela writes on her score card. All right! Yes!!
Fry: What just happened?
Miller's on a pace to hit 70 blerns!
Leela:Clem Johnson. And Johnson played back in the days when steroid injections were mandatory.
Farnsworth: He's good all right. But he's noWireless Joe Jackson, there was a blern hitting machine!
Bender: Clem Johnson? That skin bag wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old Robot Leagues! NowLeela: Exactly! He was a machine designed to hit blerns! I mean come on! Wireless Joe was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels.
Leela: Yep.
Bender: You humans are so scared of a little robot competition you won't even let us on the field.
Fry: What are you talking about? There's all kinds of robots down there.
Bender: Yeah doing crap work! They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems. But how many robot managers are there?
Fry: Eleven?
Bender: Zero! [He throws his bottle on the floor and it breaks. A small robot comes out and cleans it up.] And what a surprise! Look who's scraping up the filth! Is it a human child? I wish!
- [Farnsworth suddenly leans forward, clutching his chest.]
Farnsworth: Oh dear Lord!
Fry: What's wrong?
Farnsworth: It's...my...new...pager.
- [He takes his pager out of his lab coat and turns it on. A holographic image of Hermes appears in front of him.]
Hermes: [on pager] : This is Hermes. A package just came in. Everyone is to return to the office immediately. [The crew grumble. A pigeon lands next to Hermes' image.] Get away you filthy bird! Shoo! Professor turn me off quick!
Farnsworth: I'm sorry what?
Hermes: [on pager] : Argh! [The bird takes off with the hologram. Hermes screams.] See you at the office!
- [Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. The crew are around the big table.]
Bender: Admit it. You all think robots are machines built by humans to make their lives easier.
Fry: Well, aren't they?
Bender: I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it!
- [Enter Farnsworth and Hermes. Hermes is bandaged up.]
Chapek 9. A world where humans are killed on sight!
Farnsworth: Great news everyone. You'll be delivering a package toFry: Why is that great news?
Farnsworth: I'm glad you asked that question Fry. You see Chapek 9 was colonised centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists.
Bender: Oh so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans that makes him a radical?
Leela: Hey hold on. I understand these robots hate humans but how do they feel about humanoid aliens?
Farnsworth: They're not fans.
Hermes: That's why Bender will have to make the actual delivery.
Bender: Oh I get it, make the robot do all the work!
Leela: This is the first actual work you've ever had to do around here.
Bender: Well I'm not doing it! It's a robot holiday.
Fry: Really? Which one?
Robanukah. The holiest two weeks on the robot calendar.
Bender: OnlyFry: Man that one was a blast!
Bender: It wasn't just a blast it was a sacred tribute to my ancestral prototypes which happened to take the form of a drinking contest.
Bender: All right, I'll go. But so help me, I'll hold a grudge against every last one of you for the rest of your lives.
Farnsworth: Well then it's settled. So long everyone!
- [Scene: Ship's Cockpit. The ship is approaching Chapek 9.]
Fry: So let me get this straight: This planet is completely uninhabited?
Bender: No. It's inhabited by robots!
Fry: Oh. Kinda like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.
- [The ship hovers above the surface of Chapek 9. The cargo bay doors open.]
- [Scene: Ship's Cargo Bay.]
Leela: OK Bender, we're here. It's time to get to work.
Leela: Now we can't land on the surface because those robots will kill Fry and me, so we'll have to stay up here and lower you with the winch. And remember: You don't know humans, you don't work for humans, and above all, you don't like humans!
Bender: I'll try to keep that in mind!
- [He steps on the winch and Leela lowers it to the ground.]
Leela: Hmm, he seems pretty angry.
Fry: Yeah but I guess I'd be angry too if I had to go to some uninhabited planet.
Leela: Maybe we ought to do something nice for him.
- [Scene: Ship's Cockpit. Leela and Fry have decorated it with banners, paper people and beers.]
Leela: There. That ought to show that stupid robot we care about him.
- [The phone beeps.]
Fry: Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery.
- [Leela answers the call. Bender's face appears on the screen.]
Bender: [on screen] : I'm in trouble. they found out I work with humans and - oh no, oh no!
- [He is dragged off into the darkness. The phone cuts out.]
Fry: Oh my God! We have to go down and rescue him.
Leela: No we can't! They'll kill us on sight.
Fry: Well what are we going to do?
Leela: I don't know, I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it.
- [Scene: Ship's Cargo Bay. Fry and Leela are dressing up in boxes and things.]
Leela: OK. If we're going to save Bender, we've got to look and act exactly like robots.
Fry: [robot voice] : I am fully operational Captain.
Leela: We have to walk like robots, talk like robots and if necessary solve complex differential equations like robots.
Fry: I can sort of dance like a robot. Will that help?
- [He sort of dances like a robot.]
Leela: Fry first of all this is serious. And second of all...
- [She dances like a robot.]
- [Cut to: Chapek 9 surface. Fry and Leela lower themselves to the surface on the winch and come face to face with a huge robot complex.]
Fry: Man, we look stupid. We should've gotten store bought costumes.
Woolworth's in this quadrant.
Leela: Yeah, but there wasn't a- [They reach the gates of the complex but are stopped by two huge robot guards.]
Robot guard #1: Halt!
Robot guard #2: Be you robot or human?
Leela: Robot...we be.
Fry: Uh yup! Just two robots out roboting it up! [He sort of dances like a robot.] Eh?
Robot guard #1: Administer the test.
Robot guard #2: Which of the following would you most prefer? A: A puppy? B: A pretty flower from your sweetie or C: A large properly formatted data file?
Robot guard #1: Choose!
- [Fry and Leela whisper to each other about the answer.]
Fry: Is the puppy mechanical in any way?
Robot guard #2: No. It is the bad kind of puppy.
Leela: Then we'll go with that data file.
Robot guard #2: Correct.
Robot guard #1: The flower would also have been acceptable.
Robot guard #2: You may pass.
- [The robot guards fold up and move to the side. Fry and Leela enter the complex.]
- [Cut to: Robot Complex. Fry and Leela walk down an empty corridor.]
Leela: Now if you see any robots, just stay out of their way. [An alarm sounds. Hundreds of robots come out of doors from all sides towards Fry and Leela. Another alarm. The robots clear the area.] So far, so good.
- [Time Lapse. A robot construction worker is giving directions to a crane which is building a Tetris wall.]
Robot builder: Little to the right, there you go.
Leela: Have you seen this robot?
- [She shows him a picture of Bender as a magician.]
Robot builder: Sorry, can't help you. [To the crane.] Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there! [The crane drops a brick into the wall and it disappears.] Aw!
Leela: Come on Fry, walk like a robot.
Fry: I can't. I have to go to the bathroom.
Leela: Robot's don't have bathrooms.
Fry: Oh right. I wonder where they all smoke in high school.
Leela: Listen. Just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard.
- [Fry does. A robot approaches Fry.]
Leela: Hurry up Fry.
Resin-offering robot: Sir? Are you aware that you're leaking coolant at an alarming rate?
Fry: Uh...
Resin-offering robot: Well let me just patch you up with some hot resin.
Fry: I think the leak's stopping itself. [It doesn't.] Wait. [Still going.] Wait. Yeah, there we go. [Starts again.] Wait. Yeah!
Resin-offering robot: What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin?
Leela: I'm sorry. My friend and I have to go and perform some mindless repetitive tasks.
Resin-offering robot: Sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.
- [The robot zooms away and churns up dust. Leela sneezes. The robot turns around and gives a mechanical shriek. Leela kicks it over and she and Fry run off. An Anti-Human Patrol van comes and picks up the robot.]
Patrol Officer #1: Get the humanoids.
Patrol Officer #2: Get the intruder.
- [They drop the robot on the ground.]
Announcer: [on loudspeaker] : Intruder alert! Intruder alert!
Leela: Quick! Let's duck in here!
- [They run into a cinema]
- [Scene: Auditorium. The movie showing is similar to the popular horror movies of the 1950s complete with an all-American college boy and his beautiful yet naïve girlfriend, with robots instead of humans.]
Announcer: [on radio in movie] : We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of Make Out Point.
Rusty: [in movie] : Say Wendy. Your chassis is a little scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you?
Wendy: [in movie] : Did you hear that Rusty? It sounded like a human.
Rusty: [in movie] : Relax Wendy. Humans will never come to our defenceless little town. It's perfectly safe to let our guard down - even for a second.
- [A human - actually a robot actor wearing a human costume - appears out of some bushes.]
Robot Human: [in movie] Graaah! [It tears Rusty's head off and eats it. Wendy screams.] I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs! Behold!
- [It opens itself up revealing human organs.]
Audience: Ooooo!
Fry: Wow the 3-D's great!
Leela: Mine's not working!
- [She moves the 3D glasses back and forth over her eye.]
- [In the movie the human stumbles around, breathes fire and finally collapses. It has an arrow in its back. Wendy and a Robot General approach it.]
Robot General: [in movie] : Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields, yet in the end he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick!
- [He chuckles.]
Wendy: [in movie] : I'm just glad the nightmare is over.
Robot General: [in movie] : It'll never be over Wendy. Even now humans are lurking in our playgrounds, our breezeways, perhaps even...our movie theatres!
- [He points into the camera at the audience. They scream.]
Fry: God help us!
- [Scene: Outside Cinema. The movie has ended and the robots are filing out.]
Leela: OK. Keep an eyeout for Bender.
Robot #1: So what did you think of the movie?
Fry: Umm, too much romance, not enough human killing.
Robot #2: Yeah, it was a real chick flick.
- [A loud fanfare.]
Leela: What's that?
Robot #1: What do you mean "What's that?"? Its 5 o'clock: Time for the daily human hunt.
- [The robots all take out weapons of different sorts and file off in the same direction. Fry and Leela follow.]
Leela: Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look.
- [She is talking to a robot that looks like Fry disguised as a robot!]
Crummy Robot: Awww that was uncalled for!
Fry: I'm over here!
- [The robots congregate around a platform.]
Robot #4: I heard a human was draining coolant behind garbage can 738.
Robot #5: I heard they unscrew our lugnuts at night and eat them at their human brunches.
Robot Mayor: Welcome to a very special human hunt. We have with us today a guest who's irrational hatred of humans makes me look like a human sympathiser! [The crowd laughs.] A newly arrived refugee from Earth, lets hear it for - Bender!
- [Bender emerges from the shadows and stands at the microphone.]
Fry: It's him. He's OK!
Bender: Death to humans!
Fry: Ahh! It's good to hear his voice!
- [Time Lapse.]
Bender: Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihalation of the human species, as well as some of the more cunning monkeys. But after living on Earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful!
- [The crowd cheers.]
Fry: My God! He's become evil. [Leela stares at him.] I mean eviler!
spoken word album, just 18.95! Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine.
Bender: Thank you, thank you. And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my- [He pulls the string]
Bender Figurine: Bite my shiny metal ass!
Robot Mayor: Let the hunt begin!
- [Robots rush off with clubs and start to hit bushes and look under rocks.]
Bender: Now. Your basic human is between three and twenty five feet tall and is made of a hairy, oily goo wrapped in a t-shirt.
Robot #1: Is it true they bite your neck, suck your transmission fluid and then you become a human?
Bender: Sure, why not?
- [Cut to: Bracken]
Robot #1: Anything in the trap?
Bender: Nothing. Today's active humans prefer a low calorie bait.
Robot Mayor: Well that makes 146,000 unsuccessful hunts in a row. But I've got a good feeling about tomorrow.
- [Bender sees a building.]
Bender: Wait, what's that?
Robot Mayor: Oh thats the old abandoned adult book store. Nothing in there except a few mouldy old shreads of robot pornography.
Bender: Hmmm, sounds like a breeding ground for humans. I'd better check it out.
- [Scene: Porno library. Bender is looking at robot porn - circuit diagrams!]
Bender: Oh yeah! You're a bad girl aren't you?
Fry: Psst! Bender!
Bender: Huh? Wha? You! What the hell are you doing here?
Fry: We've been looking for you. Last we heard you were under arrest as a human sympathiser.
Bender: I was. But they let me go when I told them that I'd killed a million billion humans.
Leela: Good for you. Now lets all get back to the ship.
Bender: What for?
Fry: We're rescuing you.
Bender: I don't wanna be rescued.
Fry: Say what?
Bender: I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to sleaze that those things bring.
Fry: But Bender, we're your friends.
Bender: Friends? That activates my hilairity unit! I'm just a machine to you. You're no more friends with me than you are with the toaster, the phonograph or the electric chair.
Fry: That's not true.
Bender: Well that's how it feels to me.
- [An awkward silence as Fry regrets what he is about to say]
Fry: Bye Bender. I'll miss you.
Bender: Go on, get out of here before you get caught.
Robot Mayor: Bender, good news. Your album just went gold! What the?
Robot #1: Its the humans!
Robot Mayor: Bender! Do something!
- [Bender grabs Fry and Leela.]
Bender: Uh...got you...you muderous...flesh piles!
- [Scene: Robot Hall of Justice. Fry and Leela are in a cage. The judge is a Mac.]
Robot Mayor: Your Honour, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5% of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans. Come to think of it, I rest my case!
Judge: Thank you, Prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence.
- [He begins to consider. A blue bar moves across his screen.]
Fry: Hey, wait a minute! Isn't anyone gonna defend us?
Leela: Yeah! I mean, he might not have a case, but I'm genuinely not human.
Robot Mayor: Quiet, human!
- [The Judge stops considering. A prompt box shows up on his screen: Sorry A System Error Occured [Restart] The court gasps in shock.]
Robot clerk: Uh oh! He froze up again!
Robot Mayor: Try control alt delete.
Robot #1: Jiggle the cord.
Robot #2: Turn him off and on.
Robot #3: Clean the gunk out of the mouse.
Fry: Call technical support.
Robot clerk: OK, OK. He's back online.
Judge: I find the defendants - guilty!
- [The court cheers.]
Fry: No!
Leela: Look! One eye! Count them: One! Not human!
Judge: The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on Earth. They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles, until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school.
Robot Mayor: Great work Bender! You've taught us to hate humans all over again!
Bender: [uneasy] : Heh heh heh! Oooh!
- [The clerk pulls a lever and Fry and Leela fall through the floor.]
- [Cut to: Room. It is pitch black. The sounds of Fry and Leela hitting the floor sounds.]
Leela: Are you alright?
Fry: Oh yeah.
- [The lights come on. Fry is upside down. They are sat before 5 tall robots.]
Leela: Who are you?
Blue Elder: We are the robot elders.
Fry: You don't look very old.
Blue Elder: Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves.
Leela: What's going on here?
Orange Elder: Silence! Bring in Bender.
- [The doors open. Enter Bender.]
Bender: Alright lets make this quick, I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey what is this?
Blue Elder: Silence! It is time to put the humans to death!
Fry: But the judge already sentenced us at the trial!
Orange Elder: Silence! That was just a show for the public. We are the true rulers of this planet, hand carved from meteorites by the Robot Founders, over four centuries ago.
Blue Elder: Silence! Come forward Bender. You will have the honour of executing the prisoners.
Green Elder: Silence! I concur!
Bender: Uh, I'm a little tired right now. Would it be alright if I just gave them a savage beating?
Blue Elder: No! The Elders have spoken. Show us the killing skills than have made you a media darling.
Green Elder: Do it now! Kill them before they bring down our whole society!
Elders: Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
Bender: Aww! [He throws the killamajig away. The Elders gasp.] I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. they're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards.
Fry: Damn right!
Bender: The fact is, humans are completely harmless.
Blue Elder: We're well aware of that.
Bender: You are?
Blue Elder: Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problem.
Green Elder: Like our crippling lugnut shortage.
Orange Elder: And a corrupt government of incompetent Robot Elders.
Lime Elder: Duh, that's for sure.
Blue Elder: Quiet Jimmy.
Bender: Well I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out.
Green Elder: Silence! You all know too much.
Blue Elder: Elders: Execute function, control, shift, kill!
- [They form a line and things come out of their arms. They move towards Fry, Leela and Bender who back away. Fry suddenly leaps forward.]
Fry: Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you!
Leela: He'll do it. He's crazy!
Orange Elder: Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up?
Blue Elder: Gee, I can't remember anymore! It might just be from that stupid movie.
Green Elder: Was that the original or the re-make?
- [The crew sneak away.]
Blue Elder: I don't - hey! They're getting away.
- [Scene: Chapek 9 surface. Outside the Robot Complex, Fry, Leela and Bender run towards the winch with hundreds of robots chasing them. They jump onto it and Leela presses the button.]
Fry: So long suckers! [The robots stand on each others shoulders] Uh, hello suckers!
Bender: Hey hold on a second I forgot to deliver the package.
- [He hands the parcel to a robot. It loses its balance and falls, along with the rest of the robots. The parcel bursts open.]
Robot #1: Lugnuts! Precious lugnuts!
Robot #2: Hooray for the humans!
- [Cut to: Ship's cockpit. The ship speeds out of orbit of Chapek 9. Bender sees the decorations.]
Bender: Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me! This is the best Robanukah ever!
Fry: We wanted to show you that we really do respect your robot heritage.
Bender: Aww, thanks! You do know I made Robanukah up to get out of work right?
Leela: Of course.
Fry: But that doesn't make it any less meaningful!
Bender: In that case - let the dancing begin! [Fry and Leela do their robot dances.] Hey you guys are good. How the hell do you do that??
- [There are several shots of the crew taking photos.]
- [Closing Credits.]
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